you know you're old when...

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you have to call aspca poison control and the conversation goes something like this:

poison control: “what’s the issue?”

me: “my dog ate my progesterone pills.”

poison control: “your birth control?”

me: “no, straight progesterone…i’m old.”

the subtitle to this post is: carly, carly, carly (part infinity). the other day i got my progesterone prescription in the mail and as soon as i opened it i thought to myself “must put away” so i headed to our bathroom to do just that. i made it as far as placing the bottle on my vanity before something grabbed my attention and i walked away. if you refer back to the title of this post then you’ll understand that i then completely forgot about the bottle of pills and went about other business…until about an hour later when i walked through the bedroom and saw the telltale signs that carly had been busy being carly. any time she has something she knows she shouldn’t she brings it to the bedroom couch - which actually works to our benefit because with 15 dogs it can sometimes be hard to figure who’s done what (a dna test would be necessary for certain things). when remains of something once useful are found on our bedroom couch it’s a pretty sure bet carly was involved and because she's a nasty mofo you can safely assume only carly was involved…she doesn’t share her treasures. on this particular night as i walked by a little sparkle of white caught my eye and i walked over and found white powder all over the cushion and a crushed pill bottle.

“oh carly” is a common refrain in our house – it’s like living with a wild animal who will always take advantage of your foibles. i immediately dialed up aspca poison control to find out exactly what kind of danger she was in. the good news is there was no potential for long term damage but i did once again have to induce vomiting and paw through her stomach contents looking for remnants of pills. i was told she would probably have significant stomach distress resulting in severe diarrhea and would likely have ataxia and be very lethargic. i watched her like a hawk for several hours but of course because this being carly she was (thankfully) perfectly fine and went on with her life as she always does…meanwhile i’ve lost a bit more of my dignity.

this is the second time aspca poison control has been really helpful - hopefully you never need it but keep (888) 426-4435 handy just in case.

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